Soundtrack

Early on I realized that the things going on in my head weren't quite like everybody else's. At least, not in the heads of the people closest to me. I never believed I was so unique that no one else's was the same, and I certainly never believed that it made me special (maybe the opposite even), but I knew I was definitely alone in my local control group. One of the differences I picked up on was the soundtrack of music that's always playing between my ears. Even when I'm not actually listening to music, it's there, a constant presence, a piece of me that's been around for as long as I can remember. I can't always identify the song/tune/beat, and I can almost never tell you the title or the artist (as some of my more musical or trivia-minded friends will tell you with frustration), and it's certainly never helped me keep a tune or play an instrument, but it's there. Sometimes louder, sometimes quieter, sometimes appropriate, sometimes incongruous, sometimes angry and sometimes completely unnoteworthy, it's there. And it has always meant that music plays an important and variable role in my life.

Willie Nelson's Heroes Album

Ok, I must admit that this album is my latest obsession. Some of the songs are better than others, but I've easily listened to each of them 50 times in 2 days. And, every time I have, I've heard something new. The way he takes classic American songs types and structures and interprets them feels like home. It's not over the top flashy, and I wouldn't say he's breaking new ground with most of these, but he just does what he does so well that you don't care if he's pioneering something new. The one truly amazing thing on the album is the richness and tone in his voice. He features plenty of guest stars on theses tracks, including his son Lukas and Sheryl Crow, but they pale in comparison, voices sounding reedy and thin, or in the case of Lukas, like a poor man's Willie. Two of the guests come close to matching his delivery, fellow living legends Kris Kristofferson and Ray Price, but the others seem to be present only to make Willie sound so good.

My favorite two tracks on the album are Just Breathe, and Every Time He Drinks He Thinks of Her. The first is an amazing interpretation of a song I've heard others perform (including Eddie Vedder live, which is the subject for another post). The slightly wavering quality in Willie's voice communicates the gratitude and sadness of the lyrics beautifully. The second is Willie in his finest role- as a storyteller. Again, I've heard other versions of this song, but the way he paces and phrases the lyrics makes you feel like he's telling you something true about himself. It just feels so authentic.

Friends

I try, and have been trying for a very long time, to be a good friend to people I care about. I keep my friends in my thoughts, freely give them my time and energy, and sacrifice my own wants, and in some cases needs, to meet theirs. It is important to me that I am a good friend, and that my children see me regularly pour support and empathy into others. That said, I'm certainly not perfect, I make many missteps, and I sometimes trip over myself when friendships start to compete with one another or become so important that I lose too much of myself in them. Ive been thinking a lot about my friendships the past couple of days and am suprised and happy to say that for the most part my assessments are positive. I am friends with people who are good friends to me in return. Three friends in particular proved themselves very kind today by offering me support in different ways. And two of these people have just recently (in the past month or so) offered me their friendship, which makes their gestures all the more significant. On the other hand, I've come to the conclusion that a couple of my friendships have run their natural course and are at their end. It makes me sad, and a little melancholy, but all in all I'm feeling okay about letting them go. I've been giving way too much and while I don't expect a completely balanced set of scales, or keep score, I'm just not getting enough in return. At some point the price gets too high and I've got a limited checking account.

Rainy Saturday

All of us in one room: three of us long term residents and one getting ready to move on. People and pets lounging, taking our time, relaxed, recharging after a long week. Chatting occasionally but mostly just doing our own thing in proximity to one another. We would individually deny it, but collectively we enjoy days like this and are aware that these times are fleeting so we must hold on to them while we can.

The rain outside providing the perfect excuse.

Google plus assistance

Does anyone actually use google plus regularly? If so, can you please let me know how/why/what/etc. I'm at a loss.

Now accepting nominations

I'm now accepting nominations for a new profile pic. This existing pic is probably 3 or 4 years old and I just have never found one that means the same thing to me, but I feel Ike this one is getting waaaaayyyy too old to continue to use. It still looks like me (I think, but feel free to disagree)and I like looking at it, so can I continue to use it? I think it's time to switch it up. Help.

Clever

I like to think I'm clever, but I'm not. I like to think I'm smarter than you, but I'm not. I like to think I'm funnier, more creative, and prettier than you, but I'm not. I like to think I'm better than you, but I'm not. And, at the end of the day, all I can say, is that it really doesn't fucking matter which me I believe.